Crazy Things Kids Do

In light of my recent BB and TUMS stories, I’ve been thinking about all the crazy things my children have done. 

First, I defensively feel the need to tell you that I do not leave my children alone and unsupervised for long periods of time.  However, there have been times throughout the years when I have wanted to sleep or bathe or use the bathroom, and these are the times when my children pounce on all that they are not supposed to do.  

Each of my children has eaten food without permission.  Each has come to me with a chocolate mustache or white powdered lips or a bright blue tongue and been shocked when I knew they had sneaked a snack.  For a few weeks, Lauren and Caleb were obsessed with squeezing icing onto their tongues from those little tubes of writing icing.  A can of half-used icing stored in the fridge will disappear one finger-swipe at a time.  Once, my sweet children even convinced a babysitter to allow them to drink blue snow cone syrup as a beverage!  

Caleb once mixed up some odd concoction by cracking eggs and adding those to some sugar and some water and some butter and I’m not sure what all else.  I came out of the shower just as he finished stirring his creation.  And when I, appalled, told him it would make him sick if he ate it, he looked at me as if I were insane and said, “Of course, that’s why I was going to cook it in the microwave.”  He was four or five.  

My children have tossed toys and beads and food and crayons down the vents of our central heat and air system.  They have tossed toys at a speeding ceiling fan just to see what happens. 

They have, at various times, written on walls with pencils, pens, crayons, and permanent markers.  Once, when Lauren was three, she knew she was not allowed to write on the walls with crayons and was absolutely offended when we suggested she had.  No, indeed, she had not broken that rule.  She had taken her alphabet wooden blocks and rubbed them against the wall until the primary colors had rubbed off the wooden blocks and onto her wall.   

Water seems to be a big obsession with my sons.  They love to fill sinks with water and see if toys will float.  They love to pour cups full of water onto each other’s heads, while standing on the carpeted floor.  They love to pour entire bottles of Dawn dish soap into a sink and then dump cups full of water on it.  They have, at various times, enjoyed dunking books and dolls and toothbrushes into toilets full of water.  And, as I have written about before, some of them have even enjoyed a big drink of water from the toilet.  

They’ve eaten dog food.  They’ve dumped massive amounts of dog food out onto the kitchen floor.  They’ve dropped pieces of dog food into the dog’s water just to watch each piece swell up to form Giant. Dog. Food.  

Caleb went through a very impressive Booby-Trap Phase.  He would find string or yarn or thread or dental floss.  He wasn’t choosy, anything like that would do.  And then he would unwind it in intricate paths all around the house, ready to trip the unsuspecting Momma as she put laundry away.  The Booby-Trap Phase lasted an unbelievably long time. 

Just last year, Jackson had the Powdered Food and Drinks Phase.  He enjoyed dumping out anything powdered he could find.  Kool-Aid mix.  An entire container of parmesan cheese.  Sugar.  Instant mashed potato flakes.  Pudding mix.  We lost track of how many times we found piles of powdered substances under our dining room table or in the boys’ closet.  

There was the time all four of the older children decided it would be fun to toss a bag of powdered sugar around the living room while I showered.  I guess it was like Extreme Beanbag Toss.  It took them a while to clean that mess up after the bag popped.  

And, of course, they have colored all over themselves and each other.  Lauren even painted Silas’ face one day, making him look like a cat.  I actually stopped to take a picture before we scrubbed his face.  He was a very cute cat.  

Lauren cut her bangs once.  She didn’t want bangs, and she didn’t understand the concept of growing them out.  So she cut them all off.  She wore headbands for months and months as that grew out.  

Caleb cut his hair too.  He just took the scissors and cut random chunks out.  It was hilarious!  And I didn’t even notice for a while.  It was during our soccer month of spending four evenings a week at the soccer field.  I was trying to get things done at home that day and scrambling to get dinner and go to soccer and then make it to church.  As Caleb was getting into the Suburban after soccer and before church, I looked down and noticed his hair.  Oh well, he had to go to church looking like that.  

And there are more stories like this.  Sadly, many more.  I’d like to think my children are creative and inquisitive, that they’ll grow up to be scientists or inventors or famous authors.  I’d like to think the root of all this is anything other than pure mischievousness or pure orneriness.  If all these shenanigans are because of exceptional creativity and curiosity, then I’m sure it’s because of my DNA contribution.  However, if it does turn out to be pure orneriness, let’s blame my husband’s DNA.  




Filed under Family, life, motherhood, parenting

4 responses to “Crazy Things Kids Do

  1. Lucinda

    I like hearing the stories of your childrens’ activities. There were many stories of Caleb, Silas, and Lauren. We have also hear the stories about Jackson and Griffin, but where are the stories of Rachel? It makes me think better of my children. All kids are curious and wonder about the world around them, I guess my kids are not any different than others. Thanks for sharing some wonderful stories and memories.

  2. LOL! I’m so glad that I’m not alone in this world! Currently, we have a dresser without a drawer (or two) just because. And, they decided to take all of the Pooh-Bear Memory game cards and hit them all over the house yesterday. It was fun putting them in a plate, tossing them into the air and then wacking them as they would fall down. David said that he enjoyed the “rain” that they were making. I would say that all orneriness in my 2 comes from their daddy!!! Totally…

  3. Honestly, Lucinda, I tried to think of something that Rachel had done. Other than writing on the wall a time or two, I can’t think of anything terribly ornery she has done.

    When she was two or three, I was nursing a baby (can’t remember which boy it was). Rachel sneaked into the kitchen and ate half a Cadbury egg. When I caught her and told her Lauren and I would share the other half, she burst into tears and wailed, “You are ruining my life!” Miss Melodrama.

    Rachel takes great delight in following rules and pleasing us. She loves to do the right thing. This is the child who, at age four or five, asked me half-way through the day if she had sinned yet that day. She was honestly trying her best to be just like Jesus and not sin for a whole day, and she honestly believed she could do it. 🙂

    Don’t get me wrong, Rachel has her moments. Her low frustration level (common in kids with Tourette Syndrome) and her full-force emotions often combine for some major melt-downs. And we are currently working to beat this bad habit of arguing that has taken root in her. But her sweet sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and her strong desire to please often keep her out of the middle of whatever mischief the others get into.

    By the way, Lauren has pretty much outgrown most of this stuff also. But she sure gave us some good stories when she was smaller!

    As for the boys, I think it is all compounded by having them close in age. They put their little mischievous minds together to come up with some really creative ideas. To put it kindly.

  4. [Water seems to be a big obsession with my sons] Water is David and Beverly’s favorite “toy.” I thought it was because they hadn’t had access to running water in Haiti. Hmmm… I guess I need to rethink.

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